I have a confession to make.I hate my computer. Have you ever felt this way?

I hate feeling like I am enslaved by technology.  When it is working, life is good, smooth-sailing, all is right with the world, right?  But the moment my computer breaks down, or, God forbid, I should lose my precious iPhone, all hell breaks loose.   I was recently at a rehearsal for a staged reading and the actress doing stage directions almost went into a full-on panic attack because she could not find her iPhone.  She was literally on the verge of hyperventilating.  Luckily she found it in a corner of her bag but I could feel her pain.

I could tell you about my trip to England this past summer, my call- back for a feature film, or my auditions for THE DAILY SHOW and THE CARRIE DIARIES, which are all great-- don’t get me wrong but sometimes life throws a curve ball and chaos follows.   My computer hard drive crashed several weeks ago and I was telling my coach, Emily Grace, how frustrated, stuck, depressed, unmoored and devastated I was by the experience and how I was trying to focus on the positive things in my life and list all the things I am grateful for…blah blah blah….to get past it but I was still feeling stuck and defeated. 

First, she recommended that I read her blog post, F*ck Gratitude, (http://emilygrace.tv/fck-gratitude/)  and then she asked if I had allowed myself to fully feel all the things I was feeling.   I contemplated this for a moment and realized I had not.  I did not want to admit that I could be that woman I witnessed in my rehearsal, ready to throw a tantrum or sob uncontrollably. No way, not me!  But, I have to admit it.   I am totally dependent and let’s face it, addicted to technology.   This piece of shit!  This plastic object full of wires and metal screws!   This thing has power over me.  GRRRRRRRRR 

What did I learn from this experience? 

That sometimes you have to break down to break through.

It’s okay if things fuck up or go wrong or you have a bad time.   We are human.   

Here’s the thing: the idea of feeling my feelings to get to the other side, “the only way out is through” is not new to me.  I have done therapy, energy work, meditation and processes that have helped me deal with loss, betrayal and anger in all kinds of relationships but the difference this time was an inanimate object had me in meltdown mode.  I wanted to skip over feeling my shitty feelings and not admit my defeat.

I did not grow up with this much technology and this experience has shown me that my computer and all this stuff that goes with it, is here to stay.   I have a relationship with these things whether I like it or not, so I better find a way to make peace with it.   “Acceptance” is my new mantra. 

I was recently reading an article in FAST COMPANY by Robert Safian, titled “Secrets of the Flux Leader.” It featured 3 CEOs and 2 other leaders of fast-moving, successful businesses.    The article talks about Generation Flux being a psychographic, not a demographic, meaning you can be any age and be GenFlux.   The most striking quality that GenFlux people have is an ability to embrace change and chaos.

“Their characteristics are clear: an embrace of adaptability and flexibility; openness to learning from anywhere, decisiveness tempered by the knowledge that business life today can shift radically every three months or so, as Aaron Levie, CEO of BOX, explains.

I see now that the key to my success in embracing my new relationship with my computer is the willingness to change, never assuming anything, dealing with what is, and above all, not to panic.  

My goal is to make Chaos my friend.   I aspire to be a member of the GenFlux Club.

Wish me luck.  ;)  

Please be sure to leave a comment below.    Thanks.

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